This past few days has been so rough, yes I know Holy Week have passed and I assumed that everyone have had clear and solid encounter with God again while here I am, just got back from another desert season of my life.
I believe most Christians have the same experience as I experienced – the emptiness, the lies, the feeling of being away from God, the feeling of not being in His complete presence, just plain nothingness. It’s frustrating, mostly when you’ve been doing things just to get back and clean your tarnished relationship with God. (I have to bold the word ‘doing’ because we all know that we don’t need to DO anything just to garner our salvation, His perfect work on the Cross does the job completely.)
So, yeah, I’ve been quite more of a sinner these past few days. A lot of negative things have been in my heart and my mind – insecurity, idleness, anger, malice, and thinking of negative to other people. It’s just all negative and I thought that I need to get rid of these, but how? I cannot do it. No matter how hard I try to be good, negative things will always be there.
That’s when it hits me. Yes, I can do the acts but the question is that, [bctt tweet=”did I even pray about it? Did I even talk to God about those things?” username=”diannekathreenx”] The answer is no. I let the works of the evil affects my communication with God, it paralyses me. It is so hard to spend an entire day without God. It is more painful waking up every morning and feeling all the emptiness. My relationship with God was blocked by the lies and annoying works of the devil. But I didn’t stop. I did not stay there on the ground, I fought.
Just this morning, another opportunity to see the light of the sun through the window in my room, I decided to do my part – to fight the good fight of faith. Even though the evil was up earlier than I am, making sure he will get the best of me again, I insist to shake him off my system.
I started my day by listening to worship songs, it made me cry a lot. It made me think of Him more, love Him more, praise Him more, and surrender to Him more. How marvelous God truly is; allowing this kind of season to happen in my life because at the end of it, it is still Him who will I seek. He allows this another desert season because He knows that this season will lead me to Him again. He knows it even though all I could think is that I already lose this battle. He reminded me of the finished work on the Cross; He reminded me that it is already done – it is finished. I don’t need to wrestle in this anymore because He, who died on the Cross for the forgiveness of our sins and for the redemption of us as sons and daughters of God, already paved the way. Jesus already fought in behalf of me, of you, and of everyone.
If there would be a take-away in this season, it would be this moment I opened my bible. I don’t know what book in the bible I will read but God directs me to Psalm 146:5-6. “Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them – he remains faithful forever.” We are all great sinner in this fallen world, we may try to be faithful to ourselves, to our family, friends, significant others, God, but we cannot do that. I’ve been unfaithful to God but through His grace, I still found my hope in Him. [bctt tweet=”He remains faithful even in those times that I was being unfaithful.” username=”diannekathreenx”]
I know it is not just me who is experiencing this kind of season in Christian life. And I just want you to know that it is just a season; it will pass. God allows it because it has a purpose – to draw you closer to Him, to teach you to cling to Him and to His word and presence, to let you fight the good fight of faith. Altogether, we will fight for our relationship with God. Completely, we will take this race up to the Kingdom.