Dear 14 year-old me,
Hello, in case you didn’t know, this is your future self, writing a letter to you. I knew so much about you. In fact, just before I wrote this I went back down to my memory lane and I remembered so many things that you have done, said, and experienced.
Do you still remember those times when you were still young, confused, and insecure? You thought that having a boyfriend is the only thing that matters when you reach 18; when going out with your friends, getting drunk and totally wasted is the only way you know how to define the word “fun.” You are known to be daddy’s girl, but you chose to grow up with an angry and angsty heart to your family. You treated your friends as your family and your family as your friends. You are free, reckless, and basically not giving any care about yourself and other people’s feelings. All you wanted was to be happy. All you wanted was to feel loved. All you wanted was to forget the problems. All you wanted was to find love.
But all you have done is to hurt yourself, other people, and your family. Every time you chose to have “fun” a part of your self-respect is crumbling down; a part of your value is slowly degrading; a part of you is slowly turning to someone you are not. Every time you let yourself fall for a completely wrong guy, you give them the authority to hurt you; do and say bad things about you and to you. You let that “puppy love” break your heart and you still wanted and longed for him for four years – girl, you wasted your entire high school because of your immature love for him.
You are not a loser. You are not that kind of girl who should be treated less by those guys who didn’t know how to value girls correctly. You are not the one who should chase people – pleading them to stay in your life. You are not supposed to throw yourself to everyone and anything that looks fun. You are not supposed to lose yourself in search for your own self.
That’s why I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting you indulge in any kind of wickedness – trying to search for real happiness in emptiness. I’m sorry it took me years until I realized all the wrong things I’ve done. You’re just fourteen, but you have experienced so many heartbreak, failures, and disappointment. You’re one tough cookie, Kat. You managed to surpass all the puberty life hits you. Hold on, young self, there’s more to come – more pain, happiness, people, and experiences. I’m pretty sure you will enjoy the rest of your teenage years, you, adventurous one.
21 year-old you.
Disclaimer: This blog post is written from Thought Catalog’s 30 Thought Provoking Writing Prompts That Will Inspire You To Write Every Single Day This Month. All words, thoughts, and design ideas are entirely mine.